In local news a turkey was found mauling an unattended baby at a local mall. Don't miss the top 100 most outrageously rare fatal animal attacks caught on film, right after the news.
Police say the baby provoked the attack by quote: "the baby was shaking his baby baby rattle at the turkey, making the turkey think the baby had a gun. The threat was enough to provoke the turkey to attack baby Jerome Jr."
In related news, police chief sent to mental hospital after thinking he was a turkey in a temporary lapse of sanity.
It seems he will recover from mental stress after a needed one month paid leave, while the whole incident blows over.
" says the marketing department of local police station
In other distracting news, Miley Ray Cyrus is impregnated by youtube super star Fred Figglehorn.
Is the internet impregnating your white middle class children? Please tune in after the break to get old fashioned, time tested, home grown tips on how to prevent your teens from having thought about sex, ever.